Knowing What You Do Not Want

Updated: Feb 8

Figuring out who you are, what is the reason behind your existence, what skills you have that should be turn into a service, what is your purpose in life; is not a walk in the park. These things are never going to be revealed to you a linear line. You will find out the answers to the questions above, to the questions you are asking for a while now through heartbreaks, difficulties, struggles, rejections, happy, grateful, energising, and joyful moments, as well. To get to the point where you have the ‘aha’ moment, you will feel and be strong, confident, lost and confused at the same time.

They say know what you want in your life. Know who you are, and where you are heading to. They say getting what you are dreaming about is coming to you if you know exactly what you want, who you want to become, if you know yourself, your values, your qualities, your strength, your skills. And it is true. Very true! But sometimes, to get to know yourself and to hear the answers from the Universe to the above – mentioned questions, it happens that you get to experience the opposite first. Sometimes in life, it is much easier to realise the ‘do not want’. To know what you do not want, to know what values and qualities you wish to avoid for sure, what characteristics you definitely do not want to take on, what energies you do not want to embody.

What Do I Mean?

Let’s say that you apply for different jobs, purely out of desperation to leave the current one, to get out of the present situation you are in at the moment and as soon as possible. A couple of days go by and you receive an email that you are invited for an interview, or maybe the email says that you are hired. And when you read those lines, you feel something within. You hear your intuition. You are not as happy as you would expect to be, you are not so thrilled that you have that chance to leave all the unpleasant experiences behind and change. It is not because you do not want to leave, or you are afraid to step out of the comfort zone. No! It is because your intuition, your Self knows deep within that that opportunity is not what you want, you do not want that job, you do not want to work for that company. That is not your opportunity. You applied for it in the heat of the moment but that is not the direction you should be heading. What does it mean? It means that you are listening to your sixth sense by knowing what you do not want. And you rather wait a bit longer for the wanted opportunity than go from one misery to another. You rather wait for something that brings you the excitement and joy that you should feel when you are informed that the job is yours.

Or, another way of looking at the ‘knowing what you do not want’ experience is when you work with certain type of people at your workplace and you get to see the real them. When you are surrounded by people who are all about gossiping, spreading unrealistic things about each other, who are miserable in life in general, who are all about the past and what - how things used to be and how everything had changed, who are all about digging a hole to the other person, throwing them under the bus and feeling jealous when someone, other than themselves, gets a promotion, who are showing one face to you but behind your back they are different. Or when your colleague is not taking responsibility for her / his action, when they rather blame others, when they are using you to get ahead and they do not even say “Thank you” to you, when you take responsibility and still get the “You should feel bad” sentence to your face, when it is all about the profit and money making and pushing people to their limits without being considerate or understanding and so on, and so on. I think you get what I am trying to paint here as a picture.

When life makes you meet and surround you with people, it is all for you. For you to either learn or unlearn something from them or to make you see what characteristic, values, and qualities you wish to avoid for sure. Because you do not want to become one of them, you wish to be better, more human, more compassionate, you wish a better life for yourself.

Comfort Zone

But to even see these things, you have to go out and dare. You have to be bold; you have to take a deep breath and step out of that very well know comfort zone. You have to go for it. Because, let’s face it, how do you want to figure out who you are, or how do you know what person you wish to become or want to avoid being if you are sitting at home, on your couch and you are doing nothing at all. That is not going to bring you results.

Seeing What You Want & Do Not Want

Because how else would you know what you are capable of, how else would you realise your characteristics, how else would you know what your skills are, what you like if you are doing the same thing over and over again. And here, I mean in all areas of your life.

Career – having the same job, working for the same company for years and years. It is not an issue if you are in love with what you do, if you get to serve others and it brings joy to you. Then yes, amazing, good for you. But, if it is an unhappy experience every day, when you are miserable and tired each day before and after work, you have no energy for you, let alone for other family members, then I think it is time to have a think about your current chosen source of income.

Relationship – when a connection with someone is loving, caring, respectful, honest, genuine, equal, when you feel understood and safe in it, and when the other person is wanting the best for you and supports you no matter what, then you know and feel that it is right. But, when you are surrounding yourself with the same toxic people at work, when you are in the unhappy, desperate relationship with someone for years now, when all the above – mentioned things are not happening at all, when it is all about one person instead of two, when it is abusive verbally or physically, when you are not heard, when there is no communication in it just debates and arguments, then again, these are sings that it is time to move on, it is time to elevate yourself, your values and look for something else. But again, you have to make the decision and step out of the known to the unknown.


I could go in to details about health, beliefs, way of thinking, mentality, or anything you like, the result would be the same. You have to go out and experience life to get to know yourself, to see who you are, to strengthen your skills, to let go the energies that are not serving you anymore, to empower yourself and others, to learn or unlearn from others, to know what you do not want and want at the same time. Change for something else, choose something else, do not settle down, experience, meet new people, try out different things to see if that thing whether or not is working out better for you, if those new, unknown things and people are in more alignment with you or not. That is the only way to live, that is the only way to find and fulfil your purpose in life.