As life goes on, there are so many different experiences you face on a daily basis. Some of them are bigger, life changing events that may end up leaving you to become a different person. Some of them are less impactful happenings that are affecting you on a smaller scale. It does not matter how great the experience is, you end up labelling it. You make different adjectives connect to that particular event. You start saying how bad and awful this day was because you felt all over the place all day. You start saying how happy and grateful you felt when you received that position abroad at that company. You always add some sort of label to the experience you are having. What kind of words you are using to describe the event; how will that experience be stored within you; in what ways will you end up remembering to that story? It is all up to you and your perspective.
After you attach the label, that - according to you - describes the situation in the best way possible, certain emotions start to come up within you. These emotions will arise and be in harmony with your created reality. Putting the adjective like sad, miserable, angry, and stressful will make you feel those feelings. Labelling something as happy, joyful, blessed, or perfect will create these emotions within. It is always the thoughts, the words you are using in your head that comes first and only after is when the feeling shows up that is matching with the language you used. It is very important to use the right words because those will affect how you will be able to handle, deal with the situation, how you will end up remembering it and how you will let it affect you and your present or future life.
Pain itself is inevitable in your life. You have to go through it. It is part of life, it is needed for you to grow, to learn the necessary lessons, to transform yourself and to evolve. It is needed so that you can appreciate things, no matter how great or less great they are, even more.
Just like everything else, it has its scale. Things can be less or more painful and they can be physical and emotional. Physically painful things like a headache, a broken leg. Pain is when you wake up in the morning and because you are still half a sleep, you end up kicking your little toe finger to the corner of the coffee table. That is pain. That is painful, isn’t it? And a good way to wake up, as well. Pain is what you feel when you slam the door on your finger, as well. These things are part of your everyday life, these things can happen at any time. Depending on the situation, they come up unexpectedly and only a few minutes after, they even might be gone.
Emotional pain is a bit more complex and most of the time felt more deeply. It is when you realise that your best friend lied to you and that leaves you being disappointed, in pain. Pain is when your heart gets broken, pain is when you lose a loved one, pain is when you are not loved back by the person whom you have such strong feelings. Emotional pain hits you harder and it has a larger effect on your life. Mostly, it is the emotional pain that will end up making you or breaking you. Which one will it be? It is up to you and the labels you will use to describe the experience.
As I said earlier, going through on these experiences are necessary for everybody. At some point in your life, at a certain level, in one way or another, you are all facing situations where pain is felt. And when that moment comes, when life tells you that it is time for you to change and learn something from this scenario, it is very important to be aware, to be conscious enough to make sure that you are not causing more harm than it is needed.
It is very easy to create unnecessary damage, more harm than it is needed in the case of any painful situation. When that particular experience happens, you are having certain thoughts and feelings about it. That is normal. That is how it should be. You are angry, you are upset, you are sad, you are feeling alone, you are feeling stressed, you are feeling pain. Feel those feelings, have those thoughts. Let them be there, experience them, do not fight them. Those are needed for you to know what they feel like, to make you see who you become by them, to make you stronger, to make you wiser, to make you more aware of yourself and to make you let them go when it is time for them to go and to heal from them. This is the process of things; this is the flow of life. Things happen for you, you deal with them and with time, you release them so the next phase of your life can start.
Unfortunately, though, most of the people are not like this. They are not following the natural rhythm of life. They keep feeding their thoughts and feelings that came up during and after the experience. They keep thinking about that event. They keep adding more and more thoughts and more and more feelings to the story. They keep replaying the situation in their head, thinking “should have / could have / would have”. They are playing the victim, they are feeling sorry for themselves, they are not seeing or willing to see their part in the story. And they do this days, weeks, months, and even years after the experience. They are not letting go, they are not capable or willing to deal with the situation, they are not capable or willing to see why that event happened for them. They are not seeing, or they are not willing to see the lesson that needs to be learn. And this cause them suffering.
Yes, suffering is not inevitable, suffering is not part of life. It is not normal nor natural. It is not life that creates suffering, it is you who creates it for yourself. Suffering is optional. You are suffering because you are associated with time in some regard. A past event you yet to process or a future event you are concerned about. All suffering is because you are (still) having an attachment towards that past event or you are attached to a desire towards something. Suffering is when you do not know how to process your experience and you start accumulating. It is when where you are literally and where you are psychologically are different. Suffering is when you are keep telling yourself the same story over and over again, when it makes you bitter, when you keep complaining about it, when you keep talking and feeling negative about it. It is when you are still attached to it. When you cannot let it go. When you have not healed from it.
The even sadder part about it, that the more you are carrying this unnecessary baggage of yours, the more you are holding onto it, the more you are replaying it over and over again in your head, the more you are poisoning yourself with it, the later you get to be free and the later you will have the life you want for yourself. And the less accurately you remember to it. Because 50% of your memories are not even real, they are not even stored in your head correctly, they have not even happened the way you remember them. Interesting, is not it? So, it means that half of the time, you are suffering due to some story that might not even happened in the way you think it happened.
To stop suffering you have to change your relationship with time, meaning you have to reconcile your history that you did not yet processed. You have to change that relationship. You have to deal with whatever it is you have to deal with. You have to be aware and open your eyes to see the real reason behind that experience. You have to take responsibility for your part, you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself, you have to stop pointing fingers and blame others, you have to see the lesson that is there in that situation and learn it. Face it, be honest about it, process it, deal with it, and then let it go. Let it go so that you can again be in the present. Learn to process what is needed to be processed otherwise you will never be able to fully be present. And it means that precious time and energy is wasted from your precious life.
I just wanted to point out and make you understand that pain and suffering are not one and the same, they are not both part of your life, they are not the same experiences on a different level. Pain, just like any other experiences, is necessary so that slowly but surely you get to be unfolded to the person you are always meant to be and become wiser. Suffering is an extra, heavy weight in your backpack that you are carrying with yourself day after day thinking it will lead you somewhere, thinking it will add some extra value to your life, thinking it will…..I am not even sure what you are thinking it will give you. All it does, though, is to make you bitter, sad, closed, and unhappy person who is not willing to enjoy and see what life actually has in store for her / him. It might not be easy; I get that but let it go. Let it go. Because once you are free from its heaviness, from its weight, freedom, peace, healthier mindset, and lightness will take its place.