Start Making Decisions For You

Updated: Feb 6

I am not sure how this topic came to me, to be honest, but for some reason I have been thinking about it all day long. All the thoughts and feelings that are coming to me are just giving me the urge to sit down and write about it, to write it out. Write about all the things that a person is going through when not even a small, let alone any major decisions of one’s life are made by them. Write about what it means to let others lead you blindly, what lies you are telling yourself that make you not see the truth, makes you not see what has been going on and what you have been letting others do to your life. Write about it, so you can reflect on your own life and see if you manage to find any resemblance in it or any of my examples are sounding similar to you.

Taking responsibility for anything is not an easy thing for most people. I think it is something that requires a certain maturity, intelligence, and consciousness to be the type who is willing to take responsibility. Take responsibility for simple, everyday actions you have made or for mistakes you have done. Majority of people feels like it is a big thing to be responsible, that it is not good to be one, especially in the case of mistakes. Raising your hands willingly when it comes to admitting that due to your lack of focus, your lack of knowledge, or lack of care the company lost that huge client or got bad feedback that affected its reputation. Who wants to be blamed for all that? But I can even give you smaller, more relatable example like when you come home from the store and you realise you forgot to buy the one thing that your child had been asking you to make sure to remember to get. What do you do then? You put the blame on the store by saying they were out of stock. Even that is not taking responsibility for your forgetfulness. These are just everyday examples that in one way or another you have all done or still doing. But let’s see what happens when you do not take responsibility for your own life’s decisions, when you are letting others lead you blindly.

The answer is simple. Consciously or unconsciously, but someone else will make those decisions for you, someone else will create a life for you. It can go down in different ways. One is when the person in your life - for instance, your partner - consciously puts pressure on you to choose the option, to go towards the direction that is the most suitable for her / him. In the other case, the same thing happens but the person is not doing it deliberately, he or she is not trying to take over your life consciously but because you are not taking responsibility for your decisions, nor your actions, you are just going with the flow, you are not sure what else to do and because you are saying to yourself that you are trying to please others around you, you go with whatever they are telling you.

But let me explain. Let’s say that there is a person in your life. A friend. Let’s name her Kate. Kate, without realising, has barely ever made any major or minor decisions in her life that was truly for her. She went to a college and studied a particular field not because deep down that is what she wanted to do or loved but because at the time, that field was popular. When she had a boyfriend in her twenties, it was not important what she wanted or how she wanted the relationship to go. All and every single decision - even holidays (there were barely any), dates, when to go and where to go - were made by the boyfriend. All had to be done to please him and never her. Even in their sex life. Was the boyfriend aware what he was doing? Was he doing it consciously? No. None of them saw what was happening, I think. She did not know any better, she was unexperienced. She let him do this to her, it was easier for her. Easier not making the decisions, not standing up for herself.

Then, she moved to a big city to support a friend of hers, which is great and noble, but would she have done the same without her friend making the move? No, probably not. She is the type who always eats whatever the person in her life eats, whenever the person in her life eats it. She has the same job for the last 4 -5 years now that she does not really like but she refuses to leave. Why? Well, at one hand, she is scared to step out of her comfort zone, she is afraid to make the decision to be bold and to be daring, to go for things. Because who knows what will happen, who knows about the consequences. Consequences that are coming with decision making. There are other examples that I could use from Kate’s life to prove my point, but it is her life, and I am not one to expose it.

Is it her fault that it is the way it is? Well, yes and no. When you are unexperienced, you are young and you are told that you are a certain way (not so intelligent / weak / soft hearted), you believe those stories, those lies, and you are acting accordingly. But, as you get older, as you get more experienced and especially, when you have a support system in your life who is trying to open up your eyes to see what is going on, to make you see the real you, your real beautiful qualities, who is showing you different ways and pushing you to start making decision for yourself, to take responsibility and you still refuse to listen, you still letting others decide for you, still letting others to lead you or simply you just still refuse to not make any decision for yourself because that is easier…. then yes. It is your fault, and it is time to take responsibility for that.